How I Work

Most of my work starts here:

1) Know yourself. Which requires compassionate curiosity -- meaning you have to find your way to some in between space where you're neither pushing away uncomfortable truths nor using them to beat yourself up, just seeing them without resistance and acknowledging them.

2) Develop an analysis of whatever systems you're part of, whether that's your family, or your culture, or all of the above. Understand the stories that you're being told all the time and how they're finding their way to you.

3) Now look at how those two factors are interacting with what you would like to see happen.

Mushrooms, Woods by my house. October, 2016. Photo by Joy Salyers.

When you (or your project, or your organization)

gain insight into yourself -- what is going on at the deepest level of your feelings, patterns, motivations, and values, and
understand the structures and systems within which you operate and with which you interact -- whether your family or dominant U.S. culture,

you can be as effective, ethical, and joyful as possible. Why do I say that's counter-cultural? Because many of the systems in which we live operate by getting us to believe in binaries -- either/or constructions that say you either put yourself first or society first, among many other examples. In reality, you need to both go deep into and go beyond yourself. This kind of tuning into yourself is not self-involved navel gazing for its own sake. Perhaps it is a paradox that being your best in the world requires looking deeply within, but indeed, that is how it works.

I came to this process organically, but I've discovered that it's echoed by experts in diverse personal growth fields.

Brené Brown's shame resilience theory asserts that we beat shame by connecting with our authentic selves and building critical awareness to connect meaningfully with other people. The first step to shame resilience is to notice yourself -- to feel your physical responses, notice your triggers, and recognize shame in your body and mind. The second step to shame resilience is to practice critical awareness-- recognizing our social and cultural expectations and who benefits from them. The third step is to reach out and to tell your story -- making meaningful compassionate and empathetic connections with others.

In practice, it's challenging work! It's also the key to everything. Whether you want to change something about your life, or change the world, I can offer you concrete tools to move you closer. Read about some of them here or contact me to chat.