How I DON'T Work
Let me share a few things that you won’t see on this site, and that I won’t do (or promise to do) for you.
Pop-up Ads and Email Harvesting
Why? Because I hate them when I encounter them. Why would I do something to annoy you when my goal is to help you toward a life of bliss?
I’m a smart cookie. I’ve read all the stuff. I know “the way” to make a living as a coach is to get as many email addresses as possible, so I can inundate your inbox with limited time opportunities to attend my “master class” in whatever. My personal favorite is when you get a link in your inbox for a free goodie (report, tarot reading, webinar, whatever), and when you follow the link you have to enter your email address to access it. You already have my email address! That’s how I got this offer! How many times do I need to be on your mailing list? See? Just thinking about it makes me exasperated. So I won’t do it.
When those free webinars are about building your coaching business, they tend to tell you that what you need to do is quit coaching, that the money is in signing people up for your classes in how to be a coach! Well, I love what I do and feel called to. Working with individuals and groups and supporting them on their very particular journeys while building a more just world is my life’s work.
So I’m choosing to believe that the people who need me will find me through regular, less manipulative, means of promotion. Call me naive if you want. But if you enter your email to subscribe to my blog, all you’ll get from me is notifications when a new blog post appears. If I have a special deal to tell you about, I’ll make a blog post about it. No gimmicks, no scam, no spam. You have my word.
I’m a smart cookie. I’ve read all the stuff. I know “the way” to make a living as a coach is to get as many email addresses as possible, so I can inundate your inbox with limited time opportunities to attend my “master class” in whatever. My personal favorite is when you get a link in your inbox for a free goodie (report, tarot reading, webinar, whatever), and when you follow the link you have to enter your email address to access it. You already have my email address! That’s how I got this offer! How many times do I need to be on your mailing list? See? Just thinking about it makes me exasperated. So I won’t do it.
When those free webinars are about building your coaching business, they tend to tell you that what you need to do is quit coaching, that the money is in signing people up for your classes in how to be a coach! Well, I love what I do and feel called to. Working with individuals and groups and supporting them on their very particular journeys while building a more just world is my life’s work.
So I’m choosing to believe that the people who need me will find me through regular, less manipulative, means of promotion. Call me naive if you want. But if you enter your email to subscribe to my blog, all you’ll get from me is notifications when a new blog post appears. If I have a special deal to tell you about, I’ll make a blog post about it. No gimmicks, no scam, no spam. You have my word.
And since I’m not participating in the Great American Email Hunt, I have no need for pop-ups trying to solicit them to interfere with your browsing of the site. This also makes me nuts. Don’t create content for me, drive me to find it, and then put up a barrier so I can’t see it! ESPECIALLY those snarky, openly insulting pop-ups that require you to click buttons that say things like, “No thanks, I don’t like to read” (Esquire) or “No, I want to continue living in my mom’s basement” (Jacob King).
There’s actually a name for this; it’s called confirm shaming. There’s even a Tumblr site for it. A Vice article calls the practice “aggressive” and “inherently predatory.” Why would a business --especially one promoting self-awareness and compassion as the root of positive change--engage in that? According to the article, because a company’s email list is one of its biggest assets -- if you want your company acquired at the highest possible price, you need your list to be as big as possible. Well, I’m not selling my business, and while I do want abundance for myself and my family, I’m not driven by profit, but by meaningful engagement and making a difference. So, you won’t see any pop-up ads on this site.
One last note on this - because free webinars and online classes are frequently ways to garner your email address, they are often mostly filler. I do sometimes gain useful info from them, but it’s rarely worth the investment of time it requires. (And punishes folks with less money, who have to take advantage of free offers, but whose time is MORE valuable than folks with more money because they usually have less of it to spare.) So if I DO offer a webinar or online class, I’ll do my best to make it chock full of useful information!
I would encourage you, if these kinds of manipulation annoy you as much as they do me, to think about rewarding those who don't practice them with your business, your referrals, your donations . . . because people get pushed to the Dark Side for a reason; it works.
I do pro bono coaching every day, and I'm happy to barter with folks who are short on cash. If you have financial abundance, consider making a donation on Patreon or Paypal to enable others to hire me who couldn't without your help. We have to work together to make different ways of making a living viable.
I do pro bono coaching every day, and I'm happy to barter with folks who are short on cash. If you have financial abundance, consider making a donation on Patreon or Paypal to enable others to hire me who couldn't without your help. We have to work together to make different ways of making a living viable.
No Guaranteed Solutions in Five Days
One of the things the marketing ploys above are used to sell are classes or other materials promising you the “key” to something -- success, happiness, enlightenment, even a good night’s sleep. Of course there are some universal principles from which all of us can benefit. But we are all on our own paths. My colleague Jennifer Shelton pointed this out to me years ago -- what works for some people won’t work for others, not because they didn’t do it right or take it seriously, but because their life lessons are different. The segment of people for whom a particular program works will go out and endorse it (understandably) as life-changing and effective, and the people for whom it doesn’t work may blame themselves.
When you understand the Enneagram, North Nodes, and other models that point to different growth paths for different personalities, you understand that of course the same advice can’t work for everyone. My friend who tends to “go along to get along” needs to learn to figure out what he wants in life and name it, because he’ll never feel that others care deeply about his needs when he doesn’t even know what they are himself. My friend who tries to get her way all the time to feel okay needs to realize that she’ll never get what she most deeply wants -- true connection and intimacy -- without genuinely listening to others and opening to partnership. The last thing my second friend needs is a class on assertiveness! The last thing my first friend needs is advice on putting others first!
This is why we need to start with knowing ourselves, and doing that investigation with compassion. This compassionate curiosity is one of my guiding principles. So you won’t find me promising I have “the” answer. I can show you how to find your answers, though!
I also won't tell you that you can solve your deepest, most intractable challenges in 5 days, a week, or a month. Of course you know why folks promise you that -- because we want it to be true! But you won't find advertising gimmicks here. You will have a-ha moments that instantly improve your life. But putting them into daily practice? Well, that takes practice! I can say this with utter conviction -- I am happier now than I've ever been in my life. I have a sense of purpose and meaning. I regularly experience direct connection with the Larger Universe (the Divine, if that speaks to you) and regularly experience deep bliss (along with heartbreak, and the other feelings you have when you're wide awake in the world). I'm in love, and our relationship goes to new depths of both the sacred and erotic every single day. If it takes five years to get to your own version of this, would you start today? Or spend the next five years trying 5-day promises? Many people find it's helpful to work with me intensely at the beginning of their process, and then continue mostly independently, with occasional check-in support. Wouldn't it be nice to know you have a guide who will stay with you for the long haul?
So those are some promises from me to you. Now, if you'd like to know more about how I DO work, click here!
When you understand the Enneagram, North Nodes, and other models that point to different growth paths for different personalities, you understand that of course the same advice can’t work for everyone. My friend who tends to “go along to get along” needs to learn to figure out what he wants in life and name it, because he’ll never feel that others care deeply about his needs when he doesn’t even know what they are himself. My friend who tries to get her way all the time to feel okay needs to realize that she’ll never get what she most deeply wants -- true connection and intimacy -- without genuinely listening to others and opening to partnership. The last thing my second friend needs is a class on assertiveness! The last thing my first friend needs is advice on putting others first!
This is why we need to start with knowing ourselves, and doing that investigation with compassion. This compassionate curiosity is one of my guiding principles. So you won’t find me promising I have “the” answer. I can show you how to find your answers, though!
I also won't tell you that you can solve your deepest, most intractable challenges in 5 days, a week, or a month. Of course you know why folks promise you that -- because we want it to be true! But you won't find advertising gimmicks here. You will have a-ha moments that instantly improve your life. But putting them into daily practice? Well, that takes practice! I can say this with utter conviction -- I am happier now than I've ever been in my life. I have a sense of purpose and meaning. I regularly experience direct connection with the Larger Universe (the Divine, if that speaks to you) and regularly experience deep bliss (along with heartbreak, and the other feelings you have when you're wide awake in the world). I'm in love, and our relationship goes to new depths of both the sacred and erotic every single day. If it takes five years to get to your own version of this, would you start today? Or spend the next five years trying 5-day promises? Many people find it's helpful to work with me intensely at the beginning of their process, and then continue mostly independently, with occasional check-in support. Wouldn't it be nice to know you have a guide who will stay with you for the long haul?
So those are some promises from me to you. Now, if you'd like to know more about how I DO work, click here!